20 and Counting

One of the books I've recently read during my nursing times was The Duggars: 20 and Counting. My friend Carri recommended it as a light read when we were visiting their farm back in June. I finally got around to requesting it from the library, and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it! They seem like such a genuinely nice family! Disclaimer: I have never actually watched any of their shows on Discovery, but I do read articles about them in magazines and newspapers, so I felt like I was already familiar with them and their beliefs. I am not a huge Bill Gotherd fan, that's for sure, and I know they follow his teachings pretty faithfully, but there was no attempt to convince anyone they are right or even any putting down of those who might have looser standards for modesty or whatever. Really, there was no preaching in the book at all, but they were so open and sincere about their faith. I loved it!

I always enjoy hearing how couples met, so I was glad they started with that part of their story. I knew they had lived in small houses before they built their big new house because they were commited to never going into debt, but I didn't really know exactly HOW small the houses were, or how very long they lived in them before finally moving. Their first house they had children in was a 900 square foot one with 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom next to a busy road with their used car lot in the front yard! They lived there until after their 5th child was born. Wow. I think I would have gone crazy. And then they moved up to . . . a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house. Woo! That's really spreading out! But they were committed to not going into debt, so they saved up until they could pay cash, and then they had to save up to be able to fix it up. They lived there until their 15th child was born, at which point they could finally move into the big house they live in now, most of which they built themselves. Amazing!

Michelle is really honest in the book. She talks about the exhaustion and the tears, with so many little ones in such a small house. She shares openly about her inverted and sensitive nipples that crack and bleed, which has made nursing very difficult and painful for her. She has talked to many La Leche League volunteers for help, and she has nursed each of her children several months even with the pain. She also shares that her cycles return, even with full-time breastfeeding, at 6-8 weeks, and she's usually pregnant again by the time the baby is 8-9 months. The Well-Trained Mind board has had several vitrolic-filled threads about the Duggars, with people always pompously suggesting that she weans as soon as possible to try to get pregnant, and how that isn't letting God decide the size of the family, but that does not seem to be at all what happens here. Michelle in particular shares a bunch of pretty personal details to try to clear up the nosy misconceptions of people who still won't like them just because of who they are and what they believe.

The book talks about all the businesses they have had, and they were very honest about failures there too. I was very impressed by how the Lord led them into making deals and buying properties, and then how the Lord used those properties later on. Another way the Lord led Jim Bob was to run for state legislature, where he was elected and served for 2 terms. Then Jim Bob felt the Lord telling him to run for the U.S. Senate. There was already an imcumbent Republican, so he didn't even have the support of his party. He lost with only 22% of the vote, and he wondered what had really been accomplished with the run. Some photographer took a picture of Jim Bob and Michelle, along with their 13 kids, as they went to vote. The photo was picked up by the NY Times, which was interesting but nothing to take note of. A little later a freelance writer who had seen the picture called, wanting to write a story about their family. The magazine who had originally been interested decided not to take the story, but eventually Parents magazine ran it. An executive at Discovery Channel saw the Parents article and wanted to do a documentary on the family. So now with all the shows made about them, they have reached maybe even more people than if they had just been sent to D.C. as a congressional family!

I alos got some good hints about how to make things work with a big family. One thing that won't work now, but I am definitley filing away in my "dream house" file is that they have one big room for all their family's clothes, right by their big laundry room (4 washers and 4 dryers). Everything is hung by size, and every night everybody picks out what they will wear the next day and takes it up by their beds. As our boys get older, I can foresee when they are wearing mainly similar sizes. It is already a hassle, and I am somewhat arbitrary about what shirts go on say Caleb's side of the closet versus Jonathan's side. So haivng one big clothes room seems like a great idea! Also, and I don't really think we'll ever be doing this but it is nice, they have a huge (350 sq. ft.) pantry with a roll-up garage door, so they can back their van right up to it and unlaod! THAT sounds convenient!

At the very end of the book, they talk about the upcoming birth of their 18th child, who was born in January 09. They write, "We know it may be difficult to understand how excited we are about another baby's birth, but it's absolutely true. . . When we hold that baby in our arms for tthe first time and admire its unique face and tiny features, we know we'll be filled with the same sense of awe and thankfulness for God's amazing power and grace that has filled our hearts as we've welcomed each one of our children. Each and every child truly is a blessing from God." I know that back when we had maybe 3 or 4 kids, I remember thinking about a family who found out they were expecting #8 and thinking, "Why?" I guess I figured out they already knew basically what their kids would look like, both boy and girl models, so who keep going? But what I have come to realize, and what is hard to explain unless you have lived it, is that you eventually reach a point, believe it or not, when it is not the huge jump to add another child like it is when you are having your second or maybe third. And then you start just looking forward to seeing who it is that God is adding to your family. You get excited to see how the older kids will interact with the new one. You are even more keenly aware of exactly how individual each and every child is because you already have so many very different personalities, with such decided likes and dislikes, and you wonder how each new person will fit, and what their unique gifts and talents will be. I think I am enjoying each baby more and more, as I become more comfortable as a mother, and as I have more and more help from the bigger kids!

So I recommend the book, even if you don't have a big family. I appreciated some of their child-rearing and other tips as well. It's always fun to read about a family that makes ours sound like a small one!