Big Families Gain in Newspaper Coverage

The Washington Times has had two articles in the front section this past week dealing with large families! one of the them, entitled "Bigger Families Gain in Popularity", started out this way:

Laura Bennett isn't bound by convention. Professionally, at 42, she's pursuing a
midcareer switch into big-time fashion design. At home, she's a mother of five
-- with No. 6 due next month. "It was nothing that we planned ahead of time,"
Mrs. Bennett says. "It's more that we were enjoying all the kids. We have a
happy home. Why not have as many children as we can?"

The article goes on to discuss how people are more open now to more than 2 children, even in wealthy areas like Connecticut's southwestern suburbs. It does say that really big families (over 3, presumably) will remain rare because so many women are waiting until later to start having kids, so they might be having their third child in their early 40s, when it would be too late to have any more.

This quote towards the end of the article made me laugh. It is by a woman, Mrs. Clark, who has 5 children and lives in Minneapolis.

Mrs. Clark, 38, is aware of the buzz that large families -- in the suburbs, at
least -- are a new status symbol. "I thought it was kind
of funny," she said "Most people who have a lot of kids don't have the time or
energy to care what others think."

"A status symbol"? LOL!

The second article is called "In Defense of Big Families" , and it was about a woman named Leslie Leyland Fields who is a mother of 6 and wrote a book called Surprise Child: Finding Hope in Unexpected Pregnancy. The book does not seem to really be so much about big families as about welcoming a baby, even if it wasn't planned, but she starts out the article talking about what big families offer a culture.

Family size has a cultural significance, she says. "My
defense of the larger family is more of a question," says Mrs. Fields, who lives
on Alaska's Kodiak Island. "What do our cultures lose when our families shrink
to one or no children or 2.034 children?" Large families
offer social and interpersonal benefits, such as teaching children to be more
tolerant, conserve resources and work as part of a group, practicing good
citizenship on a daily basis, she says. However, Mrs.
Fields explained in a recent issue of Christianity Today, mothers of large
broods in contemporary America face a stereotype. "The
smart, ambitious, fully realized 21st-century woman chooses career. The
ambitionless woman has children." This stereotype is
specially true in a society that celebrates "individualism, the pursuit of
'unfettered time,' and the freedoms of self-fulfillment and self-actualization,"
she says.

But as soon as she makes this comment, the article switches gears and talks to some researcher with 2 children. Parents now want to have "high-quality kids rather than quantity of kids," said Mr. Mintz, adding that each child requires emotional, financial and psychological investment. The next portion of the article talks about only children and how they learn to turn friends into family, relate well to adult, and benefit from being the sole focus of their parents' attention, growing up with strong self-esteem. All true, but not much of a defense of big families.

More disturbing to me was the quote about having "high-quality kids rather than quantity of kids." I think this is what many people think when they see a big family--"How can you possibly give time and attention to each member of the family--you must be leaving someone out and damaging them forever!" There was a quote saying basically this in the first article:

Yet Mr. Morgan, who has three children of his own, doubts there will be a boom
in extra-large families. "No matter how much money the
parents have, most think each of their kids should have their own place and
time," he said. "More than four -- that's when people start thinking you're
crazy, that you're shortchanging the ones you already have."

And I guess if you don't have that many kids, then you might never really understand that God gives grace to allow you to share yourself as needed for the amount of children He gives you. It really is a mystery! Also, each older sibling also gives plenty of devoted attention and care. There are sacrifices involved in having large families, that is for sure. Sometimes, though, it is not all bad. For example, we can't afford to give our kids every new electonic toy. But even if we only had 2 boys, we still wouldn't want them to have X-boxes and all that, so no big loss there. I do sometimes feel guilty that Caleb and Jonathan most likely will never be able to take gymnastics like Nathan and Luke did. On the other hand, Nathan and Luke didn't have so many people around to play games or whatever else they wanted when they were younger, so it all evens out. There is rarely a time when Caleb or Jonathan can't find someone to play with them! And the boys feel sorry for people who don't have big families--"What do they do all day? They don't have anyone to play with!"

The thing is, I want to raise children who are Godly leaders. And the Bible says that whoever wants to become great must become a servant (Matt. 21:26). In a large family, you are living in a "servanthood lab", where you have to serve all day long, instead of just being served, as might be the temptation in a small family with lots of resources. We can't pay for a housekeeper, and the boys, the older ones especially, do the cleaning--vacuuming, bathrooms, etc.--even if they weren't the ones who made the big crumbly mess on the floor. Nathan wipes bottoms when I am nursing and can't easily get up. Luke goes upstairs to get Anna every time she wakes up from her nap so I don't have to go up and down the stairs so many times (he volunteered). They help Jonathan and Caleb get dressed and get breakfast so I can sleep later. They make sandwiches and snacks for their brothers. Caleb loves to scrub the carpet whenever Anna spits up on it. Caleb and Jonathan are still learning that they have to be patient because I can't always just leap to whatever they want or need. Some people don't learn that they are not the center of the universe until much, much later! That will serve them well in life and I think will certainly help them be better husbands and fathers (may my future daughters-in-law love me, LOL).

It is interesting to me to watch family-size trends. As I have said before, we live in an area with a lot of REALLY big families (over 7 kids), so I still think of 4 as on the small side. I love to watch these big families interact at our homeschool co-op. And the moms are not unambitious women, but highly educated professional women, many with advanced degrees, who have chosen to teach their children and hopefully raise up a generation of Godly servant-leaders. They inspire me!