First Child/ Big Family

Yesterday our church had its monthly fellowship dinner after the main service. I was standing in the back of the line talking to a young, single lawyer who is really nice. Nathan came up too, and Tim talked to him for a little bit, asking him what it was like being the oldest, and just making nice conversation. After Nathan wandered off, Tim said something about Nathan having a lot of responsibility. I said that I guessed he did, and that he was going to make a great father. Then Tim said that he had a friend who was the oldest in a big family, and now the friend doesn't want to have any children of his own. He was implying that too much responsibility turns kids off from having their own children. I said that Nathan had a lot of fun as well, and that as of now, he definitely wants to have a big family himself. In fact, we always tease him that he really needs to make sure he mentions that fact to any girls he is interested in in the future! I also said that one woman told me once to always delegate a job to the youngest child who can handle it. That way, you are not always calling on the oldest, who might get resentful. I thought that was excellent advice, and I have tried to follow that. I think we spread the load around pretty well, actually.

The conversation really made me think, though. If one of my kids grew up and did not want to have children based on their experiences in our family, I would feel like a very big failure indeed. Right now, the kids really enjoy being in a fairly large family. They are always feeling sorry for kids who "only have one brother"--who on earth do they play with?! What do they do all day?! Also, they are always pestering us to have more kids. They really love the babies, and how the girls light up around their big brothers. They enjoy other people's kids, like their sweet little cousin Emily.

As far as the oldest having too much responsibility, it probably helps that Nathan and Luke are so close in age, so there isn't one child who is tons older and able to do tons more. Whatever Nathan can do, Luke can do as well, so that sort of stuff gets split up pretty evenly, I would say. And the younger boys have jobs as well, and they also help out a lot with Anna and Grace as far as getting things for them, entertaining them, etc. In fact, Caleb has been such a huge help with Grace by sitting next to her in the car and always getting toys for her and putting her pacifier in. He is so proud of the job he does and how he can get Grace to quiet down if she's fussing.

Nathan, as the oldest, really enjoys being able to teach the younger kids stuff that he knows how to do. This afternoon he asked me when he and Caleb could do some baking, since Caleb wanted him to teach him how to cook. So I said they could make cookies right then, and Nathan patiently showed him all the measuring cups, what vegetable shortening was, how to tell what temperature the oven needs to be on, etc. They both had a great time, and it was good practice for Caleb in reading. Well, actually all 3 of them had fun, since Jonathan wasn't about to be left out of something involving chocolate chips, LOL. It was sweet to watch.

Nathan, and all the boys, are hopeful that they will get to be daddies someday, and they have a great example to follow in Bob. He spends lots of time with them and plays lots of games and does lots of projects. He is very involved, and they think fatherhood is definitely something fun and desirable. (And of course they are glad they don't have to go through childbirth, LOL) So right now I don't think they are overwhelmed by responsibility and younger children. The conversation made me aware of the issue, however, and it is something to keep a a finger on, just to make sure resentment doesn't creep in. The boys all know that the Lord is the one who gives children, and that they are all tremendous blessings from Him. With that attitude, I think it is hard to be too resentful for too long.