Family Pictures

We got to Bob's sister Ann's house at lunchtime. One of Bob's brothers, Paul, was also there with his wife and 2 kids, and they had brought Bob's parents down as well. Rose and her 2 girls were also there, so 4 of the 6 siblings were there! It was crowded! They had all planned to go to waterpark, but it was cloudy and rainy, so we ended up not doing anything, which was very nice. Bob's family is often under the impression that if you're not going somewhere, then fun must not be happening. As a result, they never have time to just sit and visit! 

Rose brought down an album of old pictures that she put together when she was in high school. They were pictures of Bob's parents and their families, but we didn't know who all the people pictured were, because none of the pictures were labeled. Bob's mom came from a family with 13 (?) kids, and Bob's dad's family had 6 kids, so you can imagine that there are a lot of people that we could tell were related but we had no idea who they actually were! While Jonathan napped and the kids played outside, I sat down with Bob's mom and went through the whole book, labeling all the pictures. She really enjoyed talking about her family and reminiscing about the past, and once we were done, everyone else wanted to go through the book too, so she got to talk about old pictures all afternoon! I felt like I really got a better feel for their families, and hopefully since one book is now labeled, that will help us label all the other pictures back at their house in the attic! 

 The afternoon also gave me a whole new empathy for Bob's mom and for some of the choices she has made. She (Ann) met Bob's dad (Frank) when she was a little girl and their houses' back yards were catty-corner to each other. When she would go out to hang out laundry, they would meet and talk. When he was 16, he enlisted in the Navy during World War II. Somehow during the war, he got hit by shrapnel(?) or something. Anyhow, he got a metal plate in his head, he started drinking, and that has been blamed for a myriad of personal problems of his. When he got back, he was different, but Ann decided that he was the only one she would ever love, so she went ahead and married him, even though there was some opposition from his parents. They moved to NY for a few years, and there their first children were born, Frank Jr. and then Marsha about 18 months later. They then moved back to PA, to the small town where they had both grown up, and as Bob's mom told me Tuesday, "That's when all our troubles started." 

 This next part is something that is never talked about, so we (the siblings and in-laws) have sort of pieced together what must have happened. Apparently Frank started drinking a lot more and getting abusive. Bob's mom was pregnant with her third child, and sometime in the winter she fled to a sister's house back in NY because she was afraid for the baby. She left Frank and Marsha there in PA, probably because she knew that both sets of families were there, and how could she provide for the kids in NY while being heavily pregnant? In March, Frank was in a terrible accident (all we know was there was snow involved, and possibly a milk truck, but we do not know if he was drinking or not). Frank Jr. and Marsha were both killed, and Bob's dad spent several months in the hospital. In the photo album, there are pictures of Frank and Marsha with Santa the December before they were killed. Frank is 3, and Marsha is 18 months. They are so cute, and it just really hit home that they were the same ages as Caleb and Jonathan are now. I really can't fathom how Ann survived that and was able to stay married to Frank, but it was not because of strong support from either their church (they are Catholic) or either set of parents. A priest told her that she had to stick with Frank no matter what he did, and I think implied that the kids died because she left. This makes it clear why, although Frank continued to drink and yell and be mean throughout even Bob's childhood (he's the youngest), she never again left. How could you, if you at all thought it was your fault your first children were killed because you had left before? 

 Also, in the album there are pictures of Bob's dad's childhood but none of Ann's. I asked about this and she said it was because after she "lost her kids", her mother gave everything that was hers (pictures, school papers, etc.) that was back at her parents' house to one of her brothers, and she never saw any of it again. Can you believe that? Basically they thought it was her fault too. I can't imagine living under that load of guilt all my life, and since the church also gave no support, it is easy to see why she has no real relationship with the Lord now. Like I said before, this whole situation is never discussed, and we may never know exactly what happened. But it is very easy to see the fruits of it in how both of Bob's parents have lived and have treated their sons- and daughters-in-law. I always wonder how they would be if the accident hadn't happened, but as Aslan says, "No one is ever told what might have been". To wrap things up, Bob's mom gave birth to Bob's now oldest sister Ann in May, still in NY, and then a few months later she came back to PA. They had 5 more children and have been married for hmmm. . . I know I'll get this wrong . . . . over 50 years, for sure, closer to 60. I would imagine 58 years, but they have not been what I would call happy years. There is a lot of bitterness still there, although they coexist and would find it hard to survive without the other. I am so thankful that Bob is committed to not being like his dad, and I am even more thankful that the Lord found him while he was at the Academy, so now he has the power to actually be different.