Angry Men

I have just finished reading a hard, yet very important book.  It's called Why Does He Do That?  Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by Lundy Bancroft.  Now let me clarify right off the bat that I was NOT reading this book because Bob is an angry, controlling man.  Not at all.  I am blessed with a husband who cherishes me as a partner worthy of his respect and honor, who apologizes when he is wrong and who does not think he is the utmost authority on everything.  We don't have a perfect marriage, of course, because both of us are sinners, saved by grace, but after reading this book, I am even more thankful for who Bob is.

I read the book because lately the Lord has been making me more aware of abuse, especially mental and psychological abuse, among women of my acquaintance.  In particular, a few years ago, I reconnected with a friend, Megan, from my high school years, through Facebook.  She actually escaped from an abusive marriage, and through her writings on her private blog, as well as on the blog A Cry For Justice, I had my eyes opened to this problem, even (especially??) within the church.  I read this book so I could be a more informed and helpful advocate for dear friends who are in the very situations described in this book.

Lundy Bancroft has worked with abusive men for over 15 years as a counselor, evaluator, and investigator.  He is not writing from a Biblical perspective, but his knowledge and experience with the mindset of abusive men is extensive and detailed.  The first section of the book details the nature of abusive thinking.  It turns out that abusive men are not abusive because they are angry and aggressive, need to get in touch with and more freely express their feelings, or were hurt by partners before.  No, "an abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable . . an abuser's core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong".  (pg. 34)  Abusers are angry because they are abusive, and being abusive means he has attitudes of selfishness and entitlement that produce rage and fury when he feels his needs are not being met.

Bancroft details ten realities of the abusive mentality in chapter 3.  He expands on each point in great detail, giving examples, and making the thinking easy to recognize in situations you might have encountered.

1. He is controlling.
2. He feels entitled.
3. He twists things into their opposites.
4. He disrespects his partner and considers himself superior to her.
5. He confuses love and abuse.
6. He is manipulative.
7. He strives to have a good public image.
8. He feels justified.
9. Abusers deny and minimize their abuse.
10. Abusers are possessive.

The next chapter describes 9 different types of abusive men.  For example, "Mr. Right considers himself the ultimate authority on every subject under the sun . . ."  No one else's thoughts and insights have any value , and in particular, he thinks he needs to save his partner from the idiocy of herself.  He knows exactly how his partner should live her life, raise the kids, etc. He ridicules other's ideas, twisting them to sound ludicrous, because he is not actually interested in debate; he just wants to impose his own ideas.

Another example of a type is "the Water Torturer", who always stays calm in arguments, and "uses a repertoire of aggressive confrontational tactics at low volume, including sarcasm, derision, and cruel cutting remarks . . . he is relentless in his quiet derision and meanness".   This sort of abuse is difficult to put a finger on, and so the woman ends up blaming herself for her reactions, unable to turn to a friend for support because she can't even really describe what makes her feel so stupid and inferior.  This is the kind of man who carefully controls himself and doesn't let his abusiveness show in public, because that might turn people against him or get him into legal trouble.  I think this is one of the most dangerous kinds.  Bancroft repeatedly says that mental abuse is even more psychologically devastating to women than physical abuse, but this is the kind of thing that people outside the situation don't go to the trouble of digging deep enough to find out about.  Bancroft says time and time again--if a woman is consistently telling you about abusive situations, especially mentally abusive ones, do not just believe the man.  ABUSERS LIE.  CONVINCINGLY.  And they are really living in their own alternate reality, with their own value system that is completely unhealthy and wrong.  This is VERY different than a marriage just going through a hard time, or one that is just not living up to your hopes and dreams.  It is soul-crushing and relentless.

Bancroft then discusses how abuse begins.  On page 124, he asks the question, "Is the way he is treating me abuse?"  He then gives 12 subtle actions where mistreatment ends and abuse begins, including:

• He retaliates against you for complaining about his behavior.
• He tells you that your objections to his mistreatment are your own problems.
• He gives apologies that sound insincere or angry, and he demands that you accept them.
• He blames you for the impact of his behavior.
• It's never the right time, or the right way, to bring things up.
• He denies what he did.
• He justifies his hurtful or frightening acts or says that you "made him do it".
• His controlling, disrespectful, or degrading behavior is a pattern.

Chapter 6 looks at the abusive man in everyday life, including the tactics he uses in arguments, and the cycles of abuse.  Bancroft goes into a lot of detail to answer the question of why an abusive man is like that.  In a nutshell, he doesn't abuse because he has lost control of himself--he abuses because he has lost control of HER.  And keeping control is intrinsically very satisfying.  Bancroft points out that normally a relationship involves negotiating, hearing both partners' needs, and so on.  "Your happiness in a relationship depends greatly on your ability to get your needs heard and taken seriously. If these decisions are taken over by an abusive or controlling partner, you experience disappointment after disappointment, the constant sacrificing of your needs.  He, on the other hand, enjoys the luxury of a relationship where he rarely has to compromise, gets to do the things he enjoys, and skips the rest."  (pg. 153)  He gets someone to take out all his frustrations on, to blame for things going wrong, and his needs are always the center of attention.  Certainly self-sacrifice is Biblical--but if the partner is claiming to be a believer, and yet this is his attitude, then not confronting this is enabling him to continue in deep sin, and this marriage is certainly not an image of Christ and the Church.  In fact, Bancroft's definition of genuine love is "respecting the humanity of the other person, wanting what is best for him or her, and supporting the other person's self-esteem and independence.  This kind of love is incompatible with abuse".  (pg. 65) 

Bancroft gives the legal and common-sense definition of violence, which often differs from the abuser's definition.  Abusers minimize their behavior, and compare themselves to men who are worse than himself, so if he only threatens but never hits, then he is not abusive to himself.  Or if he slaps but doesn't punch with a closed fist . . . or punches but she never has broken bones.  These men are living in an alternate reality, truly.  Violence is behavior that does any of the following (from pg. 159):

• Physically hurts or frightens you, or uses contact with your body to control or intimidate you.
• Takes away your freedom of  movement, such as by locking you in a room or refusing to let you out of a car.
• Causes you to believe that you will be physically harmed.

Bancroft says in all capital letters:  RESEARCH INDICATES THAT A WOMAN'S INTUITIVE SENSE OF WHETHER OR NOT HER PARTNER WILL BE VIOLOENT TOWARD HER IS A SUBSTANTIALLY MORE ACCURATE PREDICTOR OF FUTURE VIOLENCE THAN ANY OTHER WARNING SIGN.  So women must listen to their intuitions, and we as friends and supporters must listen to the women and take their concerns seriously.

The book has chapters about addictions, sex, allies of abusive men, and breaking up with abusive men.  There is also a sobering chapter on abusive men as parents, detailing the damage done psychologically to the children of abusive men.  Living with the stress and manipulation is so damaging in all ways to children.  One particularly sad point was in this paragraph on page 242:  "Children of abusers often find their father's attention and approval hard to come by.  This scarcity has the effect of increasing his value in their eyes, as any attention from him feels special and exciting.  Ironically, their mother can come to seem less important to them because they know they can count on her."  They often "have trouble paying attention in school, get along poorly with their peers, or act aggressively.  In fact they have been found to exhibit virtually every symptom that appears in children who are being abused directly.  The abuser attributes all these effects to the mother's poor parenting or to inherent weaknesses in the children." (pg. 243)  Children who grow up in an atmosphere where their mother is constantly belittled gradually come to look down on her in the same way, "having absorbed the abuser's messages that she is immature, illogical, and incompetent" (pg. 244).  Bancroft points out throughout the book that boys who grow up with abusive fathers are more likely to be abusers themselves.  It is a dangerous cycle--the sins of the fathers being passed down.

The most difficult chapters for me to read dealt with the abusers and the legal system.  Unfortunately, the legal system often acts as an ally for abusive men.  Bancroft brings up the point that not all policemen, judges, etc. are in their positions because they want to help people.  Sometimes they just like power and control, and so they are quite sympathetic to the thinking patterns of an abusive man.  But even when those in authority do not have this view of power, they often act in ways that do not give any protection to the woman who needs it.  The chapter details strategies and excuses that abusers use when police come to the door, or when he is in front of a judge or even on probation.  It is amazing how calculated these strategies are--these are definitely not men who are unable to control themselves, or don't realize what they are doing. 

The second-to-the-last chapter (14) is called "The Process of Change".    Bancroft is very clear that an abusive man changing is not impossible, but that it is very, very, very difficult and rare.  "The men who make significant progress in my program are the ones who know that their partners will definitely leave them unless they change, and the ones on probation who have a tough probation officer who demands that they really confront their abusiveness.  In other words, the impetus to change is always extrinsic rather than self-motivated.  Even when a man does fell genuinely sorry for the ways his behavior has hurt his partner, I have never seen his remorse alone suffice to get him to become a serious client."  (pg. 335)  Bancroft lists (and further explains) 13 steps in an abusive man's process of change, starting on page 339:

1. Admit fully his history of psychological, sexual, and physical abusiveness toward any current or past partners whom he has abused.
2. Acknowledge that abuse was wrong, unconditionally.
3. Acknowledge his behavior was a choice, not a loss of control.
4. Recognize the effects his abuse has had on you and on your children, and show empathy for those.
5. Identify in detail his pattern of controlling behaviors and entitled attitudes.
6. Develop respectful behaviors and attitudes to replace the abusive ones he is stopping.
7. Reevaluate his distorted image of you, replacing it with a more positive and empathetic view.
8. Make amends for damage he has done.
9. Accept consequences of his actions.
10. Commit to not repeating his abusive behaviors and honor that commitment.
11. Accept the need to give up his privileges and do so.
12. Accept that overcoming abusiveness is likely to be a life-long process.
13. Be willing to be accountable for his actions, both past and future.

The key point is that "an abuser who does not relinquish his core entitlements will not remain nonabusive."  (pg. 345)  Abusers can spend time manipulating an appearance of change, but then quickly revert back to abusive patterns as soon as they get what they want.  Or they simply learn "kindler, gentler" ways to still control and manipulate the partner.  Or, since the abuser believes in his reality that his partner's behaviors are just as wrong as his, he will use his change as a bargaining chip.  "To him, these seem like fair deals, but in reality they require a woman to sacrifice her rights and freedoms in return for not being abused--a coercive bargain that is in itself abusive."

Here are the 2 main principles to remember when trying to assess if an abuser is really changing, from page 346:

1. He cannot change unless he deals deeply with his entitled and superior attitudes.  No superficial changes that he may make offer any real hope for the future.
2. It makes no difference how nice he is being to you, since almost all abusers have nice periods.  What matters is how respectful and noncoercive he chooses to become.

Here are a few example questions you can ask to help identify genuine change (Bancroft lists many more) from page 347:

• Has he learned to treat your opinions with respect, even when they differ strongly from his?
• Is he accepting your right to express anger to him, especially when it involves his history of mistreating you?
• Has he stopped making excuses for his treatment of you, including not using your behavior as an excuse for his?
• Does he listen to your side in arguments without interrupting, and then make a serious effort to respond thoughtfully to your points, even if he doesn't like them?
• Has he stopped talking about his abuse as if it were an accident and begun to acknowledge that he used it to control you?
• Is he actually responding to your grievances and doing something about them (for example, changing the way he behaves toward your children)?
• Is he acting noticeably less demanding, selfish, and self-centered?

If you answer "no" to any of these questions, then your partner still has a lot of work to do.  Bancroft also lists several clear signs of an abuser who is NOT changing on page 350. 

Bancroft is absolutely against couples counseling in abusive cases like these because couple's therapy is designed to work on issues that are mutual.  "There can be no positive communication when one person doesn't respect the other and strives to avoid equality.  You can't take the leaps of vulnerability involved in working through early emotional injuries while you are feeling unsafe--because you are emotionally unsafe.  And if you succeed in achieving greater intimacy with your abusive partner, you will soon get hurt even than before because greater closeness means greater vulnerability for you."  (pg. 351)  A therapist may ask the victim to acknowledge her "role" in the abuse, leading the abuser to feel like his actions were completely justified.  "Change in abusers comes only from the reverse process, from completely stepping out from the notion that his partner plays any role in causing his abuse of her.  An abuser has to stop focusing on his feelings and his partner's behavior, and look instead at her feelings and his behavior.  Couples counseling allows him to stay stuck in the former . . . the more an abusive man is convinced that his grievances are more or less equal to yours, the less the chance that he will be able to overcome his attitudes."  (pg. 352)

Abusers need to be in specialized programs with 4 elements:  consequences, education, confrontation, and accountability. "An abuser only changes when he feels he has to, so the most important element in creating a context for change in an abuser is placing him in a situation where he has no other choice.  Otherwise it is highly unlikely that he will ever change his abusive behavior."  (pg. 360)

Bancroft has a whole section of chapter 14 dealing with "Leaving an Abuser as a Way to Promote Change".  This is something he recommends as an impetus for change, but he has suggestions, including being clear about what kind of contact you want to have during the separation.  It is generally best to have none at all.  Also, tell him you expect your wishes to be honored, and that the first way he can demonstrate his seriousness about changing is to give you the space you are asking for.  Stay away as long as  you can stand it, and if you do decide to get back together, be clear about rules.  If he violates any of the rules set up, then you must take another period of separation.  Focus on your own healing, so if he doesn't change, your life is still moving forward.

The last chapter is for people like me, people who want to see abuse end.  Bancroft has several suggestions for how to support an abused woman.  The goal is to be the complete opposite of what the abuser is, so be patient, address her as an equal, treat her as the expert in her own life, listen a lot and talk less, and think with her.  He also has some suggestions for reaching the abuser.  I love this suggested response when the abuser challenges you standing up against his mistreatment of his partner and says she's turned you against him:  "I am not against you; I am against your hurtful behavior.  What I am saying is that you won't be able to work out any of those other differences unless you first deal with your abuse problem.  As long as you keep bullying her, you are the number-one problem."  Do NOT be silent about abuse.  If you don't speak out, then you are communicating that "you see nothing unacceptable taking place.  Abusers interpret silence as approval, or at least forgiveness".  (pg. 287) 

Well, this was a very long post, and if you managed to read down to the end, I so appreciate it.  This has been such a burden on my heart lately.  To continue my education, I have started on my next book, which is The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, by Leslie Vernick, who is a Christian.  I am only on the introduction, but I think it is going to be an excellent book.  She says, "Marriage and family are important to God, but just as important to him are the individuals within those marriages and families.  God does not value men more than women, or the institution of marriage more than the people who are in it.  He wants to help you know how to heal and what to do to bring true restoration to your destructive marriage.  He also knows that because of the hardness of your husband's heart, true reconciliation of your relationship isn't always possible."  That is exactly the conclusion I have come to.  I highly recommend Why Does He Do That? to anyone who may be living with an abuser, or who may know an abuser or an abused woman.  It was difficult to read in parts, but very illuminating.  We are called as believers to stand up for those who are hurting and to confront sin.  Hopefully books like these will help us do that, so that marriages will be strengthened and be positive testimonies to Christ, instead of white-washed facades over a rotten, stinking core.

Another Week of Geology

 Yay--my TNT teaching is all done!  Last week we covered landforms, but this week's topic (for the same 1st and 2nd graders) was the 3 different kinds of rocks.  I scoured the internet and combined a few different ideas so that we had an edible "model" for each type of rock, models that did not need to be heated or cooled there on the spot, and also that did not include peanut butter! 

For igneous rock, at home I melted a bunch of white and dark chocolate chips, then poured that out onto a sheet of wax paper.  Just like lava!  I broke up the chocolate "lava" and gave each child a piece.

For sedimentary rock, I made rice krispie treats, mixing in M&Ms for some larger pieces of "sediment", like a conglomerate rock.  (And of course I gave each child a little piece.)

For metamorphic rock, I gave each child 2 Starburst of different colors, and by holding them in their hands (heat) and squeezing them together (pressure), they made "marbleized" starburst rocks (which they could then eat).  It was fun, and hopefully memorable.

After we finished talking about the different kinds of rocks, seeing (and eating) the models, and seeing actual rocks of each of the 3 types, I put a bunch of rocks on the floor on a big tablecloth and let the kids look at them.  I bought 4 of our magnifying glasses, which they loved using.  I wish I had more!  I know we have 1 more, but alas, I could never find it.  Christine let me borrow a big 50 piece rock collection that someone retiring from homeschooling had given her, and let me tell you, that was a treasure!  It helped me so much to see samples of the different kinds so I could more easily (but not easily, LOL) identify rocks we have collected over the years from who knows where, but the kids loved looking at all the different rocks.  I brought in our granite cutting board too.  There was a small piece of unpolished granite in the rock collection, so I thought the kids would get a kick out of comparing the polished with the unpolished.  I also brought a sandstone coaster (sedimentary rock, of course . . .) from Colorado.  The grayish striated rock up top is one Bob brought back from New Zealand.  Pictures don't do it justice because it really is pretty.  Metamorphic rocks brought out all the "Eskimo" punsters in the house this past week--"That rock is gneiss ("nice"), but that one looks like shist".  Ha ha.  I must admit I have never been really interested in rocks in the slightest, but spending this past week poring over library books and websites, trying to identify rocks, I have become much more enthralled.  Now I can't wait to visit Colorado again and go hiking!  I missed out!

After finishing at TNT, I came back home and taught at Rivendell all afternoon, first chemistry, then memory work.  The most wonderful thing about getting my TNT teaching out of the way so early in the school year is that the chemistry chapters and labs this week and last were ridiculously easy and introductory, requiring almost no thought and preparation from me.  I keep telling the boys, it will get harder, but for right now, it is such a review of Integrated Physics and Chemistry 2 years ago.  And that has been so nice for me!  But now that geology is over for me (the kids still have 2 more weeks with a different teacher), I can devote more time to chemistry.  And everything else in my life, LOL.

9 Month Drew

Drew turned 9 months on August 30, but I didn't get a well-baby appointment until this afternoon.  He hasn't had a well-baby appointment in quite a while, since he had his 3 month one around 5 months old, and I never got around to making a 6 month one!  He was sick with pink-eye and that pneumonia thing in June and into July, so we were already at Bethesda a few times, and I had no desire to make yet another trip!

 

After getting his vitals, we cooled our heels in an exam room for quite some time.  I didn't mind the wait--I read a book, and Drew crawled around and pulled stuff out of the diaper bag--but eventually a tech came in and asked if the doctor had ever come in.  No, and it turned out that the doctor we were supposed to see had gotten called away by an emergency, so we had to go to another room and see the staff pediatrician.  He was a nice older man who agreed that Drew was a totally well baby.  Drew is still small though--only 17.5 pounds.  We talked about that a bit, but when you can talk about 7 other healthy siblings who also hug the 5th percentile line, well, doctors tend not to worry so much.  We're the poster family for non-childhood obesity!  Drew is in the 54th percentile for height, which seems pretty normal as well.  Also, Drew eats well, a good variety of food and textures.  He loves table food so much more than pureed stuff, so maybe he'll gain more weight now that that is all he is eating.  Probably not, though, LOL.  The doctor and I had a fun time talking about genetics with such a large sample size!

 

I noticed last week that Drew has his 5th tooth in, another on up top, and the 6th one is close to coming through.  He has been pretty drooly lately!   He got some shots, so I guess if he is crabby, I can blame either the shots or the teething.

 

Drew still has made no moves towards walking.  He will move around holding onto things, but he will not let go, even for a second, without immediately dropping down to the ground.  I think he is going to be cautious, like Jonathan, who was my latest walker.  He didn't start walking until he was 14 months, and he only started then because Aunt Jane and Uncle Terry patiently worked with him when we were up at Idlewild for Bob's dad's company picnic that year!  Unfortunately, no aunt and uncle sightings are planned for anytime soon, so Drew will most likely just go on crawling because he's good at it, and he gets places fast.  Why bother with trying something new?!

Geology Lesson

Yesterday morning I taught at our elementary co-op.  We're starting off the year with a geology unit, which is definitely not my most favorite of topics.  But it will be so good to have my teaching there out of the way early in the year! 

Anyhow, I taught the first and second graders.  It's been awhile since I taught one of the younger tiers.  We made these adorable landform flipbooks from this blog, and they turned out so well!  The girls, predictably, loved them--all that cutting, coloring, and gluing!  Some of the boys were very diligent, and some of them spent their time throwing markers at each other and crawling under the table, LOL.  Now I have Micah, however, and I can fully imagine him being one of those boys in a few years, so no judgment here.  I am working on him though!!

I actually had a few other activities planned, but talking about the various landforms and looking at pictures, plus making these books, took all our time.  I forgot how long it can take first and second graders to do things!  They were so cute though.  What fun ages!

Did you happen to look closely at Grace, my lovely flipbook model?  Sunday night she had an unfortunate run-in with the concrete blocks we use as stairs for our trampoline.  They won.  This morning her black eye is even more vivid!

Diving Back In

Yesterday was our first day of both our elementary morning co-op, as well as Rivendell.  I think we were all not really ready to get back, but here we are--another year is starting! 

I keep telling myself that this year can not possibly be as stressful as last year.  I'm not pregnant, and we're not doing AP chemistry.  But still--last year was sooooo busy and stressful.  I'm not convincing myself, LOL.  I didn't even teach chemistry yesterday!  The boys just read the first chapter on their own!  See-easier already!  Also, the boys are going to be watching video lectures from DIVE, so I will mainly be facilitating labs and answering questions, utilizing that newly popular concept of the "flipped classroom".  Ha--we homeschoolers used that even before it was cool!  We will be prepping for the SAT II chemistry subject test, so I am going to be doing a lot of reviewing to keep the concepts fresh for the boys. 

Megan, our friend from church, is teaching literature/writing again for the high schoolers.  One of the books Nathan and Luke had to read over the summer was The Cherry Orchard, by Chekov.  They are not big fans of Russian authors, LOL, but they do enjoy discussing literature with Megan and the others!

Christine is finally teaching what she knows--economics!  She's teaching AP Microeconomics this year, and hopefully AP Macroeconomics next year.  Her first class got rave reviews from Nathan and Luke, who think it will be really fun and interesting.

Luke is taking Spanish III from Neissy, like Nathan did last year, and Nathan is FINALLY done with languages!  He is most happy about this!  Siri is teaching French II, but neither Nathan nor Luke are taking French.  We're going to start Caleb and Jonathan straight into French though, I think.  Siri can take them through AP French!

Due to some unexpected changes in Rivendell, Nathan and Luke will be trying out their first online class--US History with the Potters School.  We've heard nothing but good things about TPS classes, so hopefully this will be a good experience!  I'm a bit worried about the technical aspects.  Next Wednesday is their first class, so we'll see how it goes . . . 

Nathan is also taking AP US Government and Politics on his own.  I submitted the syllabus, and I planned out all the projects, but I'm not really teaching it, per se.  I've heard it is one of the easier APs to self-study, so we'll see if that is accurate for us!

I'm also "facilitating" a classical astronomy class this year using Jay Ryan's Signs and Seasons.  There is a small textbook, but most of the program is field exercises, where you really become familiar with astronomy you can see with your naked eye--what everyone used to know, like in Carry On, Mr. Bowditch.  I think and hope it will be a practical and interesting course.  I planned out a basic schedule of what exercises to do each month.  I just hope the weather cooperates, and we have enough clear nights!  Unfortunately we live in an area with an obscene amount of light pollution, so some things are going to be very difficult to see.

Going back to Rivendell classes, I'm again doing memory work for the younger kids in the afternoon--the last year where I actually had to come with it all, since we're working on a 4 year cycle!  Next year I'll tweak year 1's stuff, but I won't be starting from scratch!  We'll be memorizing Phil. 2:1-18 and 4:4-14, and we'll be reviewing the timeline, kings and queens of England, and US presidents, as well as learning the books of the Bible.  Science facts are from chemistry, as well as some earth and space science mixed in, since those never get covered.  For poems, we'll memorize "In Flanders Fields", "A Visit From St. Nicholas", "Jabberwocky", "A New Colossus", and "High Flight".

Another lady from our church has joined, along with her 3 boys, and Michele is taking over the 5th/6th grade literature/writing class that Theresa did for us our very first year.  I was listening to her first class yesterday, and I can tell she is going to do a fantastic job!  They are starting out with From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, which was one of my favorite books when I was a girl!  I still remember my wonderful 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Freeman, reading it out loud after lunch.

One very exciting thing about this new year is we got Rivendell t-shirts!  Christine found this cool cross with crossed swords image online, and we picked the motto of "Omnia ad Dei Gloriam" ("All things for the glory of God"), and of course we have our theme verse of Prov. 27:17.  They turned out so well, and we got an AMAZING deal from vistaprint.com, using a groupon deal, as well as getting 50% off and free shipping by entering the site from retailmenot.com.   Now we need to get some field trips scheduled! 
 

So the new year has started . . . I'm teaching at TNT for the next 2 weeks, so I'll have to teach chemistry in the afternoon, then go straight into memory work.  Those will be tiring days, but at least I'll get the TNT teaching out of the way early this year.  And my unit doesn't have a 5th week activity!  Woo-hoo!  We're relying on the Lord for strength to get us through another year.  He was so faithful to us last year!

Weekend Retreat

 We had a wonderful weekend at one of my most favorite places in the world, White Sulphur Springs!  The Wright-Patterson chapels and OCF group had their annual retreat, so we joined them.  We enjoyed seeing my parents, as well as other old friends, including a USAFA classmate of Bob and his family (they also have 9 kids!)!

 The speaker was from Institute For Creation Research, so that was timely, what with all the AP biology last year!  Nathan and Luke sat in on his sessions, which were very practical and helpful. 

Even though we got up there Saturday at lunch and left Monday after lunch, there were still plenty of things to do--horseback riding, rock wall climbing, splitting wood, playing on the playground, square dancing--and Faith started riding a bike with no training wheels!  She asked me for help getting her started on Saturday afternoon, and then she was off!  This made Grace a little more motivated to actually do it herself, although she still is just too scared, LOL.  Faith is a little daredevil, and she zipped around the front driveway with her curls bouncing from side to side!

 Drew turned 9 months old while we were up there.  He eagerly crawled all over the place, but he still won't try to take a step.  He always sits down before moving his feet!  He has however mastered steps--going up them, that is!  Now I need to work on him turning himself around to go down.  He is eating pretty much all table food now, which is nice.  I am still forcing a baby food jar on him each day, though--I need 32 jars for a craft next week when I teach our elementary co-op!  I only need another 3-4 jars though.  Whew!  He'll be glad to just eat regular food, LOL.  He's a good little eater!  He's a happy guy too.  Hopefully he won't be as difficult and strong-willed as Micah is!

As always, our time up there wasn't long enough.  None of us wanted to come home!

A Monday Mystery

Let's all put on our Sherlock Holmes get-up, because I have a mystery to solve!  It all began back in July, when Siri asked to borrow an extra pair of khaki pants and church shoes for Eric when they traveled to France for 6 weeks.  See, in Hawaii everything is super-casual, so no one needs dressy stuff, but Siri was afraid France would be a little more uptight.  But she didn't want to buy stuff for only 6 weeks, and we practically run a store of boys clothes and shoes out of our basement, so it is no problem to find extra stuff! 

Except this time I couldn't find a size 8 1/2 pair of dress shoes.  I looked around in all the usual places, but I couldn't find them.  So I ran around to a few thrift stores where I discovered no one in Northern VA donates mens size 8 1/2 shoes.  Not 8s or 9s either.  In fact, men don't really donate many shoes at all, especially compared to the vast number of pairs of womens' shoes lining shelf after shelf! 

So I came back home, looked in a tub in the closet one more time, and lo and behold, there was the pair Eric borrowed last year, right in front of my eyes!  I have no idea why I didn't see them before!  So I grabbed them and put them in the bag with 2 pairs of pants (so Eric would have options!).  I gave the bag over to Siri at a Rivendell picnic we had on Aug. 14, when they briefly stopped through here on their way to France. 

I didn't think anything more of it until I was waiting for Nathan last Thursday evening, and I was productively deleting voicemail messages off my phone.  Then I noticed one from Siri on Aug. 15 that I had never even noticed, much less listened to.  It said that I had given them 2 left shoes, and did I have the right one somewhere?  What in the world?!?  How on earth did it escape my attention that I had given 2 left shoes?  I went back home and looked in the same tub, and sure enough--there was the right shoe, along with yet another left shoe--who knows where the other 2 right shoes are! 

So I emailed Siri to apologize profusely and to tell her that I could send the other shoe over with Isaac McC, who was traveling over to visit them in France in a few days.  Siri said not to worry about it, as Eric is quite enjoying just wearing his tennis shoes to church!

I them called Christine to tell her she didn't need to send church shoes along with Isaac, and she said she had known all along that I had sent the wrong shoe!  In fact, she gave me a brown paper sack at church the Sunday after Siri left, and it contained the pair of pants that didn't fit, as well as the 2 left shoes!!  When she said that, it did jog my memory enough to recall that she did once hand me a brown paper sack in the foyer of our church, which I then put in the van.  But that's it.  I can't remember anything else, such as which van I put it in, and I CAN'T FIND THE BAG ANYWHERE!!  Clearly something mysterious is going on in our house! 

Originally I thought this was a mystery about shoes--but now I am convinced something deeper and more sinister is going on . . . I am actually losing my mind!  LOL!

Summer Reading

One thing I have enjoyed this summer is the chance to read a few books on my own.  I thought if I didn't at least mention them here on the blog, they would disappear in the unreliable sands of my memory sooner rather than later!

1.  Boys Adrift and Girls on the Edge, both by Leonard Sax.  I technically read these around spring break and during testing, but I wanted to let people know about them.  Both are excellent, enlightening books that I am recommending everyone with kids read, just so you can understand why it seems that a good deal of boys currently are unmotivated and refusing to grow up, while many girls today are confidant on the outside, but are struggling inside with eating disorders, cyberbullying, and other issues.  He offers a lot of concrete, practical suggestions in both books.  The books did make me glad to be homeschooling, but these factors are not limited only to kids in brick and mortar schools, and regardless of whether our children actually suffer from any or all of what he addresses, we need to know what is going on in the world around us so we can be positive witnesses.

2.  The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge.  This was probably my absolute favorite book this summer because I have always been interested in neuroscience, and this book is incredibly fascinating!   It deals with neuroplasticity, the idea that the brain can "re-map" itself when one area is damaged.  Doidge sets up a bit of a straw man argument by repeatedly saying that neurologists don't believe that the brain can ever change.  I don't think that is true now, although the case studies he details are certainly more than I ever thought was possible.  I will caveat this recommendation by saying that the chapter on sexual attraction and love was uncomfortable to read, but one thing it does clearly is delineate what happens when someone gets hooked on pornography.  Definitely a cautionary tale.  It was not a horridly graphic chapter or anything--Nathan and Luke both read the book--but hard to read.  The other chapters were just so inspiring and hopeful!  I actually bought a used copy of this book so I could go back and reread it sometime, so that says a lot about how interesting I thought it was!

3.  The Violinist's Thumb by Sam Kean.  I read The Disappearing Spoon, by the same author, last summer (about the periodic table).  I really enjoyed that book, and I'm having my chemistry students read it this summer.  I think I will probably have my AP biology students read this book next summer.  It really connects DNA and genetics to a lot of different areas, with fascinating anecdotes that hopefully will help the kids remember the concepts.  The new AP bio exam is all about connections, and so is this book!  Another caveat--this book is incredibly evolutionary, although every time it assumed evolution, I thought, "Wow, that is so easily explained by a Common Designer!"  The thing that drives me batty about macroevolutionists is their assumption that evolution is the only possible explanation for similar genetic patterns and a host of other similarities.  But other than that, I really enjoyed reading this book!

4.  The Forever Fix by Ricki Lewis.  First of all, get the idea that this book was written by a talk show host right out of your head!  That's Ricki Lake.  This lady has a PhD in genetics, and is a researcher and professor as well as the author of a really commonly used genetics textbook for college.  Although the book started out a bit slow, it does pick up.  Gene therapy, or fixing genetic problems at the root genetic level, seems like a no-brainer idea--just change the genetic code to fix the defect--but in fact it has had a long, difficult road.  I didn't realize researchers have been trying gene therapy for so long, but with very limited success until just a few years ago, when a boy named Corey, who had a genetic problem leading to blindness, received gene therapy which cured him almost immediately.  Of course, his problem was an error in a small part of a gene, not many genes all working together, but it was still a huge success.   The book talked about some of the smaller successes of past gene therapy, as well as some of the failures.  Books like these do make me so sad that there are just so many tiny genetic mutations that can cause so many rare and uncurable diseases.   The chapter on fundraising to get more gene therapy research for a particular rare disease was eye-opening. 

I guess I was on a bit of a non-fiction kick this summer!  If you are looking for something interesting to read, I recommend all of these books! 

Swimming Hangups

So we've been swimming quite a bit this summer.  It is quite a chore, finding a place to hang up 11 swimsuits, plus towels.  Last summer we were struggling with this issue, and Bob came up with a wonderful solution--the Brabantia Wall Mount Pull-Out Clothesline, which we got from (where else?) Amazon. 

Here's what it looks like on the wall of our master bathroom.  We picked that room to hang it because it has a tile floor, so dripping swimsuits aren't warping hardwood or anything.  You pull the black part, and there are 5 lines that come out.  It hooks into a thing on the opposite wall.

The best part is that it isn't just for swim stuff!  We have this same trouble in the winter with snow suits, and they can hang on these same lines!  Then we just have boots drying on the plastic tablecloth on the entryway floor.  It does have the effect of making our bathroom look like a Chinese laundry or something, but it is so nice to have everything actually dry, without me having to remember to run outside and grab stuff off the deck railings if it looks like rain!

Harpers Ferry Hike

Yesterday I took the kids, plus Maddie and Amanda, to Harpers Ferry.  We've never actually been there, so I wasn't exactly sure what we should do.  We wanted to hike, and I found some shorter hikes on the website, so that seemed like a good plan.

When we got there, we went straight to the visitors center, where I talked to a nice ranger.  He showed me some hikes, including a shady path by the river, down by the old town part, but he recommended a hike through what used to be a farm.  It started right behind the visitors center, so you didn't have to take the shuttle bus down to the town or anything.  It was only 2.2 miles, and there were some cannons, an overlook to the river, and some Civil War-era trenches, so it seemed like a good bet.

Before embarking on the hike, we ate lunch at the nice picnic area at the end of the parking lot.  it was shady, with a lot of picnic tables, so it was nice!

Then we started off on our hike.  The first part was through some woods, by a stream, and it was pretty. 

The next part was well, through what used to be a farm!  It was not so much a hike as a stroll down a gravel road running through fields, though, and it was soooo hot and sunny!  We were looking for shade wherever we could find it!  We did go look at the cannons, which were replicas, the ranger said.

After the cannons, Faith and Micah really lagged behind.  I had Drew in the backpack, but I was thinking I should have put him in the front pack on someone else and put Micah in the backpack, LOL.  Maybe Micah will be an entymologist or something--he is fascinated with bugs!  When he gets tired, he stops and points out every. single. bug. he sees on the ground.  With the field next to us, there were TONS of butterflies, grasshoppers, dragonfly-type bugs, huge ants, etc. on the path, and I thought we would never get to the shade, which was where the overlook was.  But eventually even Micah and Faith made it!  It was a beautiful view!

I was a bit worried that Micah would scamper off a rock and tumble down the side of the mountain, but there were actually paths down--it wasn't quite as dangerous as it looks--and Micah was uncharacteristically cautious, LOL. 

After spending some time in the lovely shade of the overlook, we headed backwards just a bit to see the "earthenworks", which were some trenches and redoubts built by Gen. Sheridan to protect Harpers Ferry from Confederates coming down the Shenandoah.  They were built after Harpers Ferry had already switched sides 8 times during the war, so it was a case of too little too late, unfortunately.  The position was never attacked!

Then we moved on.  The next part of the trail had the rebuilt foundation of the building where John Brown hid during his crazy raid on the armory down in the town.  The building was moved to this farm in the early 1900s, and now it is back down in the town again, so these foundations really have no historic merit or anything.  But they are filled with gravel. Micah wanted to stay the whole day and throw rocks around.  When we decided it was time to move on, he pitched the loudest and longest temper tantrum you can imagine.  I was so glad the trail was not crowded with people, because it honestly sounded like we were trying to butcher a hog or something!  Nathan, Luke, and I took turns carrying/dragging him the remaining mile while he shrieked and carried on.  He probably permanently scared Maddie and Amanda from ever having kids, LOL.  He put on quite a show! 

Eventually we made it back to the farmhouse, and I set him down under a tree.  I told everyone we would just let him cry himself out here before attempting to make it back to the more populated areas of the visitors center and parking lot!  Of course, he chose that moment to decide he was making a fuss about nothing, stick his thumb in his mouth, and ask to be carried.  Toddlers . . .  At that point, I honestly think he had no idea what he had even been fussing about!  He certainly wore himself out though.  He fell asleep after about 5 minutes in the van, and he slept until we got home, an hour later!

Since I carried Micah the rest of the way, Luke volunteered to take the backpack with Drew.  This is the first time I used this backpack, and Drew really liked it.  Unfortunately, he has not really liked the Ergo, but I'm wondering if it is because he is still so small.  His legs really have to stretch far apart, and he just fusses in it.  Too bad, because it is a lot easier on my back.  Hopefully he'll like it more when he grows a bit more. 

I am hoping to make another trip over to Harpers Ferry so we can visit the actual town.  In retrospect, we probably should have gone down there and walked along the river, which would have been cooler and shadier.  Although it would have been more crowded, and I'm sure Micah would have found something else to throw a tantrum about, so maybe it's just as well we were so isolated, LOL.  Still, it was a fun day!

Special Company

 Friday we had very special company come!  Bob's sister Rose came down from PA with her girls, Maddie and Amanda, and Bob's sister Ann came with her grown daughter Christi, and Christi's kids Jasmine and Joshua!  It was so fun to have everyone visit!

 The 4 little girls had such a ball together!  They played in the play room, out on the trampoline, in the yard . . . lots of things for girls to play with!  They even had a little tea party with tea cups that Ann brought.  Having their big cousins Maddie and Amanda just made it all the more fun!  Anna, Grace, and Faith have been the recipients of lots of handed down clothes, swimsuits, snow stuff, and toys from Maddie and Amanda, so the girls think they are pretty special! 

We were so excited to get to meet Joshua for the first time!  He was born on March 1, so he and Drew are just a few months apart.  They weren't sure what to think of each other, but I know they will get along great when they get a little bit older!

Yesterday Ann and Christi had to get back to Richmond, so they left around noon.  Bob and Rose took most of the kids to the National Zoo (Nathan was gone all day to Richmond for a CAP cyberpatriot training day).  It was just Drew and me at home, which was so nice and quiet!  They had a good time at the zoo, although they did NOT get to see a giraffe (I heard about this travesty from all 3 girls).  The panda exhibit was closed, because the girl might be pregnant, but the boy panda came outside and pooped in front of them (which also made a big impression on all the girls).  I thought Micah would really like the animals, but he was a pill, even lying down and pitching a temper tantrum on a path at one point because he didn't want to ride in the stroller, walk, or be held.  Ahh, the joys of a stubborn, tired 2-year old.  The animals were probably watching him, LOL. 

So we are really enjoying our company!  Tomorrow the plan is to attempt Harper's Ferry . . .

Six Flags!

On Thursday we went to Six Flags America, which is on the other side of the Beltway from us.  I didn't actually know it was so close!  I thought it was up in Baltimore somewhere!  Anyhow, Caleb, Jonathan, Anna, and Grace each got a free ticket with the "Read to Succeed" program, and I got a free ticket as their educator, so that meant we just needed tickets for Bob, Nathan, Luke, and Faith.  That was still expensive (tickets for a day are $29 at the Pentagon, which is the cheapest we could find anywhere--AND you need a parking pass, which was $11 at the Pentagon), but still doable.  We went with the McCs, who had also done the program (and without Christine, we wouldn't have gotten our tickets, because in the beginning of March, when you had to submit everything, I was so swamped, and she did it all for me!!)  Another family who used to be in Rivendell was going to go, but they ended up not coming because they were just really busy that day, and they had season's passes, so it wasn't a big deal to come that particular day.  We missed having the C's with us too, like they were last year at Hershey Park!

It was sooooo hot and humid.  I thought I was going to melt, and I was so glad I wasn't pregnant!  (I was also so glad I'm not Muslim.  I saw countless ladies covered, many in these heavy coat-like outfits, and I saw 3 in full black burkas.  What really got me was their men, walking around in swimsuits, t-shirts, and flip-flops, while their wives roasted in a winter outfit.  Ridiculous.  Just thinking about it still gets me riled up!)

The 4 older boys went off on their own, with Craig, Joel, and Jonathan and Bob (for a time) with them.  Christine and I took the 4 girls, plus Micah and Drew, as well as Caleb, who is not a fan of  rides, or even of amusement parks in general (huh--wonder where he gets that from?!).  The girls had a good time in the kiddie area, and it is so perfect that there are 4 of them to ride together! 

Micah had absolutely no desire to ride on any rides at all, not even the merry-go-round, even after copious amounts of coaxing and cajoling.  Sometimes he did walk, and then Drew got to ride in the front, which he preferred.  Poor Drew was mainly just hot and sticky!

After melting around the kiddie part for the morning, we all met back at the vans for a picnic lunch around 1:30.  I really wasn't hungry because I was so hot, but the boys were, and most of the food was devoured.  We even had cupcakes to celebrate Caleb McC's birthday, which was that very day! 

After lunch the older boys plus Joel went off to ride more rides, while the rest of us decided to go to the waterpark.  We put on our swimsuits (and if you know me, you know how out of character that is for me, so you KNOW it was hot!), and the water in the wave pool indeed was so refreshing.  Even Drew got on his swim diaper and splashed around!  When the lifeguards whistled for break at 4:45, we noticed that clouds were rolling in and the sky was looking threatening.  Sure enough, the heavens opened, and rain poured down.  After several claps of thunder (!) eventually the lifeguards closed the pool, but we were all standing under this shade thing, where rain was blowing in and soaking us!  I had already changed Grace, Faith, Micah, and Drew, but Anna and I were still in our swim suits.  It got a little chilly--what a change from the morning!  Eventually the rain stopped, but we all looked a bit bedraggled.

After the rain, we went back into the park, to an area in the back called Whistlestop Park.  It was another place with kiddie rides, plus a little play area.  We wished we had gone here first, rather than fighting the crowds at the other kiddie area, right inside the gates, all morning!  The girls had a ball here, and Micah even loved playing on the play ground. 

The older boys were so thankful for the rain because it cleared out the park, leaving them free to ride to their hearts' content!  They got to ride all the big rides multiple times and had a tremendously fun day.  It's so nice to just be able to let them go do what they want them to do, but we hardly saw them all day!  It was fun to run into them by the Apocalypse--what a nice-looking clean-cut group of young men! 

We closed out the park, finally leaving the parking lot at 8:30.  Nathan drove us back home--in the big van, in the rain, in the dark, on the Beltway.  Advanced driver's ed!  We were so tired--I think the kids are still recovering, LOL. 

NIVs

I've been working on memory work for next year.  Usually everything just slips into place nicely, but not so this year.  I still have a ton of work left to do, and I'm just having a hard time getting everything to work out.  One reason I am having such an unenthusiastic response to something I usually really enjoy doing relates to the Bible portion.

We're memorizing Philippians 2, as well as some of Philippians 4 this year.  So I went to biblegateway.com to print off those passages, and I realized that the "1984 NIV" version was no longer an option.

When I was little, and we were stationed in Okinawa, I did all my Bible memorizing in the KJV.  But then we moved back to the States, and the NIV Bible started becoming popular.  I had to memorize Bible verses each week for Dayton Christian, and eventually I started memorizing those in the NIV.  My NIV student Bible was what I read for my quiet times all the way through college, and when I graduated from college, Bob got me a new NIV study Bible.  So I pretty much "grew up" with the NIV.

Now I have never been an "NIV only" kind of person.  I enjoy hearing other translations, and I even read different ones on my own for a fresh perspective.  Our church uses the ESV, which is good, but it is very clunky.  I do not prefer memorizing out of it, for sure.

Anyhow, all that to say, I was very surprised to discover the 1984 NIV was no longer on biblegateway.  I knew a new version of the NIV had come out in 2011 (I remember reading about the gender-neutral language controversy), so the old version wasn't being sold in stores any more, but I just figured the powers that be would always leave the old version up online so it would be searchable.  I wrote a quick email to the website and got this reply:

Thank you for contacting us. We appreciate hearing from you.
Our publishing partner, Biblica, who generously provides the NIV text to Bible Gateway, has requested the removal of the older NIV (1984 edition) and the TNIV resources on February 28th, 2013.
During the transition to the most recent edition of the NIV (first published in 2010), the older 1984 edition and the TNIV were made available for more than two years on Bible Gateway to make it easy for people to compare the upgrades in the text as they transitioned to the current edition. Now that this transition period is over, the NIV’s worldwide publisher, Biblica, has requested that we remove the older 1984 and TNIV editions from Bible Gateway.
Bible Gateway is a distributor of Biblical content and does not have control over the sale nor free distribution of Bible texts. We have abided by legal licensing restrictions and have complied with Biblica’s request.
Older editions of the NIV will no longer be available on Bible Gateway or any website. We’ve provided further information on the transition of the NIV through:
https://support.biblegateway.com/forums/21800162-NIV-Transition
If you wish to contact Biblica directly concerning the removal of the NIV 1984, you can reach them through:
info@biblica.cominfo@biblica.com
Again, thank you so much for contacting us. We appreciate the opportunity to serve you online.

I did contact Biblica (which used to be known as the International Bible Society, back when they weren't so politically motivated), and the guy wrote me back there as well.  He said:

Thank you for taking the time to share your concerns about the status of the NIV.

 

We understand your dismay over the discontinuation of the 1984 copyright of the NIV. To explain why this process was done, when the new edition of the NIV was announced several years ago we said there would be a gradual two-year transition from the old to the new. As part of this plan we temporarily kept the old (1984) edition of the NIV available online, primarily so people could compare it with the newer edition. The transitional phase came to an end on February 2013. As a result, there are no plans to restore the 1984 NIV in print or online.

 

Typically, when a new edition is published, the old one is discontinued. That was true for previous versions of the NIV, and it’s true for other translations like the NASB, NLT, and ESV. This is typically the case because the newest edition reflects the translators’ latest and best work. 

 

In fact, we believe the NIV is the very best translation we can offer. We know good people will disagree on Bible translation, and that not everyone will share our enthusiasm for the updated NIV. But we stand behind the translators and their sacrificial work. We want to honor their commitment by giving people the very best edition of Scripture possible. This is the core reason behind the change from the 1984 to 2011 edition of the NIV.

 

He went on to say that at some point the old NIV would be housed in an online archive at Wheaton College.   That doesn't sound like something that is going to be easily accessible to the average joe!   Also, he told me I should investigate the new NIV further, since it is "95%" the same.  I had actually done some research on that fact earlier, and while the text may in fact be 95% the same, a much smaller percentage of verses are actually the same.  They changed words in most verses, so if you are trying to remember a verse where you can only think of a fragment of it, and you try searching for it online, well, you will be out of luck, because often the key words in verses were changed. 

 

I don't even think the guy understood my concern.  We're not talking about an old translation of War and Peace or something.  This is the version of the Bible that a grand majority of believers used for 25 years just *poof* disappearing, as if it never existed!  When I wrote back, I told the guy the only reasons I could think of to not make the old version available online were political (supporting the gender-neutral wording that caused controversy) or financial (hey, we'll force everyone to buy new Bibles!).  Obviously I don't support either of those motives. 

 

But more importantly, why on earth would I ever invest a minute in a translation that I know will disappear on a moment's notice, as soon as those translators as Biblica get a wild hair and decide to do another translation.  Maybe this one will only be around 10 years!  Who knows?

 

So I have resolved not to ever knowingly buy a new version of the NIV Bible (one published in 2011 or later).  I've searched online, and I have already bought 3 old NIV Bibles for the girls, and I just need to buy a few more student Bibles so the younger boys can each have one.  That way when they are thinking back on the passages that we have memorized and they can't remember the wording, at least they will have a Bible to refer back to.  Just look for used Bibles with the old publishing dates.  I wanted to buy them before they get really valuable! 

 

I told the guy at Biblica that his email made me certain that the new NIV was not the Bible for me.  I will stick with the ESV for any new Bibles I buy.  I just don't like memorizing from it.  It really doesn't flow well, no matter how accurate it might be.  Maybe we'll go back to memory work from the KJV--I don't think that version is going anywhere!

An Unusual Question

Our big kitchen table is covered with maps (world on one end, U.S. on the other), and then a big plastic sheet that I get from JoAnn's Fabrics over top, so it is easy to wipe off.  I was sitting on the end last night, and after dinner, I was casually wiping off a few crumbs from the edge of the table where the bench is.  It seemed a little bit . . . lumpy, so I reached my hand under the plastic and the map to see what was there.  I quickly yanked my hand back out, because whatever it was, was VERY squishy and yucky!  As soon as I flipped the map up, I could see what this gross mystery substance was--hard-boiled egg yolk, at least several days old, given its smell, all squished around under the map.  Disgusting!!!

Of course, we all knew who the culprit was:

Micah loves hard-boiled eggs!  In fact, he often pitches a temper tantrum when I won't allow him to eat more than 2 at a time!  But he only eats the egg whites, never the yolks.  Usually he leaves them on the table, like a little tip for the serving girl, but obviously one time he had the grand idea of hiding them under the table mat and then enjoying the nice feel of squishing them all around under there. 

 

SO that leaves me with my unusual question:  how do you get the smell of rotten eggs out of your beautiful hardwood table?  It is indeed a question I never imagined I would be asking!

Swim Team

 This year, we did swim team for the first time!  Caleb and Jonathan were the only ones, and it worked out really well because they were in the same age group, so they had their morning practices at the same time.  We thought we'd start this new thing gradually!

Bob has wanted the kids to do swim team for, well, forever.  He and his family are all total fishes in the water, and they did swim team, diving, lifeguarding, the whole water thing, while they were growing up.  I, on the other hand, greatly dislike water.  I don't like water on my face, in my hair, anywhere, really, and I despise being in a swimsuit, especially after having so many kids.  So swim team was never my priority, certainly not in the early summer mornings! 

When we moved here to VA back in 2004, we didn't realize that pretty much every neighborhood around here has their own pool and swim team.  That was not even on our radar screen as something to look for, so we landed in a small neighborhood, one of the only ones without a pool.  I was never bothered, but the kids and Bob do enjoy swimming in the summer, so we would pay to join pools around us, but either not really close enough to do swim team, or one without a team.  But this year the mom of one of Nathan's football teammates emailed to say a friend was selling her membership to their pool, and it was really cheap.  I also happened to know this friend from homeschooling, so I contacted her right away, and we bought her membership.  The pool is still not right in our neighborhood, but it is an easy drive--about 10 minutes away--and not fighting traffic.  It's really nice, and it was so nice to already know Leanne and her family.  They are bigwigs in the whole swim scene, so she was able to help us know what to do.

 It was a good choice to just sign up Caleb and Jonathan, even though I know Anna would have loved doing it.  It was still a challenge getting them to practice, especially before it switched to mornings.  The thing I loved about this team was that when we signed up, we wrote them a check for $40, and then if we didn't volunteer our 5 shifts at meets, then they would cash it.  Oh, I would have GLADLY paid much more than that to not have to be at meets!  We were gone 2 different weeks because we had already planned vacations before we heard about buying the membership.  Plus, although Caleb and Jonathan could swim, they had no idea how to do butterfly and breaststroke.  They are definitely behind!  Jonathan did decide to swim in one meet, but Caleb had no desire to swim in front of people at all.  And hey, I was fine with not getting up to be at the pool for hours on Saturday mornings, starting at 7:15.  I know most teams don't have this policy, so I was incredibly thankful for it!  Now maybe we can do swim team again next year, and we'll ease into volunteering and meets, LOL.

 Once practices moved to the mornings, Caleb and Jonathan had practice from 8:30-9:15.  So I would nurse Drew at 7:45, leave him and everyone else with the older boys, drop off Caleb and Jonathan at the pool, and then I would walk for 45 minutes in the neighborhoods all around the pool!  It was so fun to walk around new neighborhoods!  I have walked around our neighborhood sooooo many times, with all these pregnancies and the gestational diabetes especially.  Nothing new to see there! 

There is also a lovely shady walking path behind the pool and continuing on for a long, long way.  This past week it was unbearably hot and humid, even in the morning, so I walked on the path every day.  It was so pretty!  It follows a pretty creek. I really enjoyed having this time of exercise all to myself for the past several weeks.  I will miss that!  It will be a real let-down to start walking around our neighborhood again!  But now swim team is all done.  At least we won't have to rush out the door every morning anymore!

Poor Drew

 Drew had a fun time at White Sulphur Springs too!  He loved playing with this big wooden thing in the lobby.  We were glad he was healthy because 2 weeks ago Monday I had to take him to Bethesda yet again.  He had been coughing a bit, and then he started running a little fever off and on.  But Sunday afternoon the fever came up and wouldn't go down, even once I started alternating motrin and Tylenol.  So we trekked off to Bethesda again, and he was diagnosed with pneumonia.  I picked up amoxicillin and started him on that, and his cough and fever cleared up over the next few days, so we were good to go to White Sulphur Springs last weekend!  Whew!

 On Monday morning after breakfast, another woman was holding him while I helped clean up the table.  She noticed he had some spots on his hands.  I immediately thought "food allergy!" and started going over what he had eaten for breakfast.  The only thing I could come up with was that I had given him a few bites of Micah's oatmeal, which I had poured soy milk over.  Could he be allergic to soy?!  No!!

 We headed off to Idlewild, and over the course of the day, Drew developed a rash all over.  It didn't seem to bother him, but he sure looked like he had some dread plague!  We stopped at Giant Eagle so I could buy some children's benedryl, and I gave him a dose right away.  It didn't help though.  By the next day, the rash was all over, head to toe, and very connected. 

 One of the women who is in staff there is a nurse, so I asked her what she thought.  The first thing I told her was that he was taking amoxicillin, and as soon as I said that, she said, "He's reacting to that!  I'm almost sure that's it!"  So I guess it is one of those threshold reactions, where he didn't react until there was so much in his system.  And he continued reacting because I faithfully gave him his doses Monday night and Tuesday morning, LOL.  Obviously I stopped giving him the antibiotic right then--he was only lacking 3 doses, so I felt confidant that I didn't need a different one--and eventually he did get better by the time we left.

Here he is smiling because his 4th tooth broke through while we were up there.  His big sister Anna had a eventful tooth week as well--she lost 3 teeth!  I didn't even realize she had that many loose!

We have really not had to use antibiotics very often, thankfully.  No one else has ever reacted to amoxicillin, but then again, Micah and Faith have never had it, and most of the others have probably only been prescribed it once or so, and not as young as Drew is either.  I am allergic to penicillin, so the propensity is there.  Well, hopefully this little incident will end our terrible month of sickness!  Crazy times!

White Sulphur Springs

We just got back from the most wonderful and relaxing week of Family Camp at White Sulphur Springs.  (WSS is one of the retreat/conference centers run by the Officers' Christian Fellowship, and it is in Pennsylvania.)  We used to take family pictures in this wagon, down by the old hotel, all the time, but we haven't done it in a few years!  Micah was very uncooperative, LOL.

The nice thing about WSS is that it is both mentally and spiritually refreshing.  We had a wonderful speaker in Tom Joyce, and we thoroughly enjoyed all the other families that were up the same week as us. 

The kids were happily occupied the whole week.  We only had the younger 5 actually with us for the week.  Nathan was on staff, Luke was doing their teen adventure program (AO!), and Caleb and Jonathan were at their Camp Caleb camp.  The girls had classes in the mornings and evenings, which they loved, and Micah and Drew were in the nursery.  There were a ton of other little girls, so Anna, Grace, and Faith made friends and played happily all week.  I hardly saw them! 

Here they are having tea.  There was also a picnic at the pond, a western night with a square dance, a campfire with a hayride, rock-climbing, ice cream, swimming in the pond, and much more to fill their time!

We snuck away Monday to go to Idlewild, the little amusement park not too far from Bob's parents' house.  It was very hot and muggy, but the kids had fun.  Wednesday we drove over to visit Bob's parents, about an hour and a half from WSS.  We had a lovely visit with them!

Here are all the busy boys.  They all had wonderful times, and we are still hearing stories!  Luke got especially wet because it poured down rain multiple times during the week, but that didn't seem to phase him.  His clothes were all sopping wet and musty, so they went straight into the washer when we got home!  Luke said his favorite part was the high ropes course, but he liked it all.  Caleb and Jonathan got to be in the same Camp Caleb this year.  They liked their counselors and their fellow campers.  It rained on them too, but they were able to stay better sheltered, LOL. 

AP Wrap-Up

On June 26, the College Board released a score report for the new AP biology exam that was administered this year.  It had some very startling statistics.  Here are the percentages for each score, compared with last year:

AP Grade	2012	2013
5	19.7%	5.4%
4	16.9%	21.4%
3	14.3%	36.3%
2	14.6%	29.5%
1	34.5%	7.4%

So you can see that there was a tremendous reduction in 5's, although over all more people passed (3 and above is passing, although hardly any college gives credit for a 3, and many only give credit for a 5).  I had thought the curve would be generous, since this was the first year of a completely new and redesigned test, but alas, that was not to be.  Instead, the CB went with an absolute standard, where you had to get so many points (78/99 unweighted) to get a 5, no curving at all.    To get a 4, you needed 64 raw points, a 3 needed 45 points, a 2 needed 26, and I guess a 1 was anything less than 26.  That seems a bit arbitrary--who knows how they came up with these breaks?--but oh well.  (Edited to add:  I've actually read a lot more from the College Board, and the average scores actually were not very different, compared to previous years' tests--but the cut-offs were very different.  Weird.  Nathan is a guinea pig again!  Story of his life, LOL.)

Here are a few of their other comments from the report:

 

Educators and students had reported perceptions that the multiple-choice section was easy, that it did not require content knowledge, or that it was a test of reading comprehension. None of these perceptions proved accurate. The panelists who took the exam themselves felt that the questions effectively balanced required content knowledge with fundamental quantitative, analysis, experimental design, and data interpretation skills. Student performance does not indicate that the section was easy. In fact, the results show that AP Biology students on average are not yet performing as well as college students on such tasks.

On the multiple-choice and grid-in questions, AP Biology students scored, on average, 61% correct.

By way of comparison, the mean score on the “old” AP Biology Exam (2012) multiple-choice section was 63% correct.

 

 

Five questions in a new grid-in question type required students to meet college biology’s standards for use of mathematics to solve biological problems and understand biological concepts.

The performance of AP Biology students on these questions was very low, with an average correct score of just 36%.

 

 

The low student performance, in general, on most of the free-response questions had a significant impact on this year’s AP scores.

 

 

AP Biology teachers are doing tremendous work to help their students develop the knowledge and skills essential to success in biology majors and careers, and measured by the multiple-choice, grid-in, and free-response questions on the redesigned AP Biology Exam. In many instances, AP Biology teachers are receiving students who have spent years in science classrooms that never moved beyond rapid coverage of textbook content, with very little understanding or retention of such information. The work needed to improve student learning of biology is made visible by very low scores on most of the AP Biology grid-in and free-response questions – the questions that require students to perform mathematics and describe, explain, and predict fundamental biological principles and outcomes. Many incoming AP Biology students have never been taught or required to demonstrate the quantitative, analytic, and interpretive skills now required, so struggled on the redesigned AP Biology exam.

College faculty who participated in the AP Biology standard setting agree that their own students are similarly challenged, and that the redesigned AP Biology program is the new gold standard, one that gives them confidence that AP students earning qualifying exam scores deserve placement and will be much better prepared for science majors than students who take their own colleges’ introductory biology courses. The college faculty participating on the panel sang the praises of AP teachers for teaching a course that is now an exemplar for college-level introductory biology.

The small percentage of students demonstrating performance needed for a score of 5 signals a need in particular to help students improve their performance on the grid-in and free-response questions. To earn a 5, students must learn the course content well enough to be able to perform the skills required in the grid-ins and the free-response section: when confronted with scientific data or evidence illustrative of the required course content, students must be able to “calculate,” “predict,” “justify,” “propose,” “explain,” “perform,” “specify,” “identify,” “describe,” “pose a scientific question,” and “state a hypothesis.” True understanding requires that students develop the depth of understanding required to perform such tasks with accuracy and precision.

 

We encourage AP Biology teachers to take heart and recognize that shifting years of students’ prior ways of learning science can take time. But what the AP teaching community has shown, year after year, is that they can meet and exceed the standards required of colleges for credit and placement. More importantly, AP Biology teachers are transforming the depth of science understanding and skills when in classrooms worldwide they shift the focus of classroom instruction away from rapid content coverage to help students learn to explain and describe their understanding of science content, and to design and conduct laboratory and mathematical tasks essential to understanding natural phenomena. If a student cannot perform such tasks, the research consistently shows that they will not retain or use the knowledge they have learned in AP Biology, and will be insufficiently prepared for much of what they will be required to do in science majors. Hats off to the AP Biology teaching community for the tremendous change you are seeking to effect in your students’ understanding of biology.

 

After reading that back in June, I was quite worried about how my students did!  Well, scores have been released, and I am very pleased to say that Nathan got a 4!  So did Isaac McC!  I'm very proud of them all.  It was hard to prepare for a test where we had no idea how it would actually look.  This year was definitely challenging for all of us, but the boys all worked so hard.  Most of the other kids taking this exam were juniors and seniors, whereas my kids were either a sophomore (Nathan) or freshmen (the other 3).  They did not have an honors or pre-AP biology class, other than life science 2 years ago, or a chemistry class other than BJU Physical Science year before last. 

 

I would love to be able to access a teacher score report for them, but that won't happen, since we're not part of an official "school".  That would give me more information on what exactly they missed, which would be helpful for me when I teach this again in another year to Luke and Caleb McC.  Oh well.  Even without that information, I have learned a lot, and now that I have access to the AP bio teacher forum on the College Board website, that has been so helpful as well.  (In fact, that is where I got this score report!) 

 

So the glory goes to the Lord.  None of us could have been successful this year without Him guiding us, showing me what to focus on, helping me help the boys understand the concepts, leading me to find resources, and so on.  I am so thankful!!