Taking Off Your Mask

"Taking Off Your Mask" was the topic of our ladies' retreat, and the speaker was a woman named Debby Price. She and her husband used to go to our chruch, but then they moved out to Wichita, KS for her husband's job. They have 4 boys too. Both Debby and her husband are children of preachers, although she did say that her family (growing up) never thought she would ever be a speaker at a retreat, since she was not a public speaker by any means! She was very nice and friendly, with a very vibrant walk with the Lord. I was sorry we weren't around when they were at our church to get to know them more.

She gave her testimony Friday night, and then on Saturday she started talking about why we wear masks. She had a handout with 2 circles on it, both being ways to solve problems. The first way is to have a problem, respond and try to fix it (since everyone wants to be in control!). Then you either succeed or fail, but eventually you will fail at fixing some problem. Then you feel anger, shame and fear, so you put on a mask, withdraw, and feel defeated.

The second way involves responding to your problem by trusting the Lord. Then there is either success or failure, but you can be confident that "our character is more important than our comfort", and that no matter what happens, God is in control of the situation. Then you can feel peace and be open about your struggles, walking in obedience. That leads to freedom, and you see your problem as a testimony to the Lord's power and faithfulness.

She said a lot more, but this first part really spoke to me, since we've been struggling so much with the issue of our future, and what we should be doing with our house. I can really see that I am not trusting God to take care of us, but more importantly, I really am not trusting that the Lord will speak to Bob and work in his life, even through potentially bad decisions, to draw him closer too. I really want to know the whole plan--at once! Debby said once, "My future doesn't depend on me fixing it", but right now I feel like that is where I'm at, and I have not experienced peace . . . well, since we moved here! We had a time of prayer Saturday night, and that whole issue is what I asked prayer for. The ladies prayed for both of us, and it was a real encouragement to me. Of course, I went home Sunday, and Bob and I got into a raging fight about what else, what we should do with our house, and I feel like it must have been satanic! Fortunately we were able to talk about some things later, but obviously this is an issue that Satan feels he can use to divide us. Specifically, the issue is "should we sell the house sooner rather than later". Interest rates are going up, and the fear is that there will be a much smaller pool of buyers who will be able to afford our house (and a bigger pool of houses for sale) when it is time to sell (in a another year or 2?). So maybe we should try to sell now and live in a rental until we are ready to move. The only flaw in this plan is that we will be having a baby in 8 weeks, so we aren't really in a position right now to get a house ready to sell, much less pack everything up and move ourselves. So some of the conflict is that we don't have many options right now, and that leads one to look back and question previous decisions leading us to where we are now. But since we can't change those things, that is a pretty counterproductive little exercise, although it does considerably raise the tension levels!

Right now, the bottom line for me anyways is to be open to how God is leading Bob and also to trust that God has us where we are for a reason. I have been praying that God would clearly reveal to us, especially Bob, what he wants us to do, and I'll continue to pray that. But really, what it comes down to is saying, "You know what you're doing, and I trust you, Lord". That takes the pressure off of me! I still would like to experience more of his peace though, LOL!